Things are looking up.

This week it seems as though some peace a been restored in our home,the kids have been better,and I hope that my eldest Son is finally waking up to himself.
Life is difficult sometimes,we think e are never going to get over some hurdles that we are faced with.
I have had a better week,one that made me laugh....I haven`t laughed in a long time.
I know some of my friends are doing it hard too,I`am always thinking of them.....wish I could do more to help them,I love my friends more than my own pathetic family.
I hope that the peace is restored now...& I can breath a little easier.
Looking forward to the kids being at school & DC!
Thinking of our Holiday later in the year,getting things organised for that gives me a sence  of satifation,that my hard work in saving & sticking to my Budget has been paying off.
Today has been a brighter one,I hope things continue this way...........

99 red balloons - TECHNO REMIX

Trying to stay focused.

I`ve come to realise that no matter how much I try,things don`t work out that well when a teenager is involved.
I think it`s time for me to let go....let  people  take their own path in life whether they make good choice or not,I can`t go on with all this worry & stress.
My own heath is suffering now,feeling so out of control & very run down.....
I need to pull myself together for my other young children`s sake,I need to be the best Mum I can be.
I hope life can become happier for me,so sick of being in a desperate state,and so down with Depression.

I have a special person in my life,my Niece Cathy,she is wonderful,always looking out for me.....she has a very special place in my heart.
I so need to focus on getting a smile back on my face!

A Mother`s worry

Another long sleepless night,tossing & turning....thinking non stop,waking up with awful images in my mind,asking myself where did I go wrong?
My Teenage son didn`t come home again last night,was out with a mate,he thinks at 17 he came & go as he please`s,so disrespectful to all our family.....he`s turning out to be a real arsehole.
I lay awake thinking of the worst.
Why do they do this?
Why do they hurt their family like this?
As a Mother your heart aches,it hurts so bad,my chest hurts and I can hear my heart beating so fast in my ears,just want to vomit with worry......feeling desperately lost.

wishing my life away.

It`s been another  one of those weeks,where you wish you could  sleep & never wake up.
I`am tired of  pretending to be happy,when I`am not,sick of people using & abusing me.
My head hurts,I feel sick to the stomach,can`t sleep....my mind is like a movie projector that never stops,thoughts....bad thoughts,people who hurt me................it`s never ending.

I`am forever disapointed with life,I try hard to make things right,but the harder I try the worse things seem to get.
I love my children,& they keep me going,but I often wonder if I`am the best person for them to be around,I smile for them but hurt deeply inside.
I`ve lost my get up and go,my bubbley personality,once upon a time I used to laugh until I cried,but now life seems to be all about sadness & tears.
I don`t feel strong anymore,life is a bitch,hate feeling like this.

I wonder what my next life path will bring.
I hear Heaven is a nice place & I know alot of my loved ones would love to see me.....I truly miss my Son Brendan & my beautiful Nanna Grace.
I don`t care about wishing my life away, another birthday will come & go.....then I become older & closer to leaving this shit place could Earth!

Not so Happy New Year.

Well sitting thinking,what the hell happened to the start of 2011.
I was hoping for a good start filled with laughter & fun.....but slowly over just a few days this all slipped away,family upsets,troubled teenager & sadness all over our news reports as Brisbane becomes a flood zone,just devastating stuff.
So many families are suffering right now.......
It would be nice to have a magic wond,to put all this right.