Have I failed as a mother?

To cu a long story short,I got so sick of my 18 year old Son sleeping & partying & not looking for a job,even though he is just about to close one chapter in his life-School & the HSC.
He just doesn`t seem to get what life is about.....we fight a lot & I asked him to move out,but I feel guilty now.
He would like to come home so I will think about it,although I have had a month of peace,I do miss him & worry so much.
I think this time apart has made him realize all the hurt & horrible things he has done to his family.....because he has put us through shit for about 4 years now.
I`ve tried my best to care & offer guidance,but now the Apron string have been cut as much as it pains me....my first born child is no longer a child but a young man now.
Does a Mother ever stop worrying about their kids.....I say not.
I just hope he can make a good life for himself,& I just want him to be happy.

In the garden.

The other day I just felt like being outside,so I took off to Bunnings Warehouse to pick out some new plants for our small front garden,got some roses,Mother`s Days flower`s some kind of yellow flower that looks like a Lilly,it was nice to have my kids help pick the colours out at the shop.
It took me 3 hours to bloody pull out all the weeds & long grass,but I was so happy with what I achieved by myself with no one to help me out.
I still have a few more improvements to make,some finishing touches,but I did manage to get a sleeping Angel,Butterfly`s & a green frog to sit in the amount the plants.
I like to work out doors,like to look after the Garden,my hubby doesn` t have the time.....but I love my Roses the best & love when the flower`s bloom & the colours look like a pastel rainbow.
It helps me to relax,and get some fresh air & knowing I did something special makes me feel good.

Worldly Events-tragedy & sadness.

Over the last few months the World has had,floods,fires,earthquakes.....so many people have lost their lives and everything they have ever owned......it very depressing turning on the tv or radio & hearing of these events.
My family & I were horrified at the Japan quake as we watched it live on tv....we had never witness anything as bad as that in all my life.
The Tsunami was heart breaking,people didnt even realise what was going on......
"Mother Nature-sure is angry with some of us.....wonder when this is going to end?.....
Our family sends out prayer`s to all that have been caught up in all this horrific disaster.....

I can`t help to want to keep my family & children close to me.....scared of  loosing them now in the event that something happens closer to home.
We try to remain positve,but you can never say never now.......
We can live in hope that all this sadness will pass.....& Earth can recover.....maybe we need to treat our Earth with more respect!
You can`t help to feel a little scared.

My Birthday.

Last week it was my 38th Birthday,in which the kids had forgotten,but I really didn`t care,as you get older Birthdays don`t seem to mean to much,well to me hey don`t....
I see it as another step or year closer to my gorgeous Son up in Heaven......another step up that magic stair case to the Golden or Pearly Gates!

I`am so luck that he comes to visit,I know in my heart it`s my Son....i truly believe that the After life can make contact with us,n many ways,but you need to keep an open mind,I here my Son call my name,& i know this sounds crazy,but I have spoken to many people about this and it does happen!
I was laying in bed the morning of my Birthday & my bedside table lamp was flashing like crazy....the more I talk to it the more it flashes,like the room was filled with an electric energy or excitement!

I don`t really like Birthdays as such,as I know I`am getting old.....but the fact that one day in the not so near future...I will be taking that journey to another light plain.....A Heavenly Place.

i will be looking forward to seeing my Son Brendan & my Nanna-Grace,who was the only true Mother figure in my life,I miss these two like no tomorrow.

I believe in in The After Life...
I believe in Angels & my guides.xx

Things are looking up.

This week it seems as though some peace a been restored in our home,the kids have been better,and I hope that my eldest Son is finally waking up to himself.
Life is difficult sometimes,we think e are never going to get over some hurdles that we are faced with.
I have had a better week,one that made me laugh....I haven`t laughed in a long time.
I know some of my friends are doing it hard too,I`am always thinking of them.....wish I could do more to help them,I love my friends more than my own pathetic family.
I hope that the peace is restored now...& I can breath a little easier.
Looking forward to the kids being at school & DC!
Thinking of our Holiday later in the year,getting things organised for that gives me a sence  of satifation,that my hard work in saving & sticking to my Budget has been paying off.
Today has been a brighter one,I hope things continue this way...........

99 red balloons - TECHNO REMIX

Trying to stay focused.

I`ve come to realise that no matter how much I try,things don`t work out that well when a teenager is involved.
I think it`s time for me to let go....let  people  take their own path in life whether they make good choice or not,I can`t go on with all this worry & stress.
My own heath is suffering now,feeling so out of control & very run down.....
I need to pull myself together for my other young children`s sake,I need to be the best Mum I can be.
I hope life can become happier for me,so sick of being in a desperate state,and so down with Depression.

I have a special person in my life,my Niece Cathy,she is wonderful,always looking out for me.....she has a very special place in my heart.
I so need to focus on getting a smile back on my face!